Lookin' For Work (in all the wrong places?)

So I've been job hunting since the beginning of the month, and I haven't even really gotten an interview.  I've had meetings at temp agencies, but nothing concrete.  I've signed up with about five different temp agencies, I've been submitting resumes about everywhere I can think.. and now I'm asking for tips.

I haven't been making a lot of followup calls because half the resumes I've put in were to places that didn't list their phone numbers, and for some of them I'm just not sure if they want a callback or not.  I worry about fifty million people calling and them getting overwhelmed.  I HAVE been calling the temp agencies at least once a week...

I type almost 100 wpm and would love to do data entry or transcription, I DO NOT do sales, I REALLY want something that's days and no weekends, and... I'm starting to wonder if I really don't know quite how to look.

So... any tips?  Suggestions?  Offers to rip apart my resume?  Do's and Don't's as to cover letters?  Any and every idea welcome.

--Crystal

How it makes a person feel when you use their loss to discuss your views on the afterlife

Bad.  Awkward.  Annoyed.  Frustrated.

I wrote yesterday about the death of my son.  I prefer not to talk about "where I think he is now", because I don't KNOW.  As far as I know, when people die, nothing happens.  Some people think that spirits are roaming around on Earth and talking to people who are living.  I respect that.  I'm sure it's a possibility.  I have no idea if Weslee is hanging around with me.  His memory's with me, and to me that's enough.  Some people think that when people die they go to a place where we can't reach them and can't talk to them and they can't reach us and can't talk to us.  For some people that's comforting, but not to me.  To me that just seems cruel.  But if it floats your boat, then fine.

But don't assume that it's going to be comforting to me to say that.  It's not comforting.  If you haven't picked up that I don't, strictly speaking, believe in an afterlife filled with angels and a deity who's idea of a good time is keeping children from their parents... maybe I need to talk more about.  I don't believe in God.  Not the Christian God, at any rate.  If you would like to know why, feel free to ask.  If you want an explanation of my ideas and thoughts and beliefs, I can talk about that... but anytime I talk about it people decide to start battles and debates about it and try to push me into believing in the same thing that they do because they're convinced that the whole world should believe what they do because they believe in and love a God who is petty and jealous and angry and is willing to send people to a burning fiery afterlife but NOT willing to give concrete evidence of his existence.  And no, that's NOT the only reason I don't believe in him.  And I'm not MAD at him, because I don't think that he exists.

And I don't capitalize pronouns unless they're at the beginnings of sentences.

AND I shouldn't have to have this discussion the day after the five year anniversary of my only child's death.

So please don't use my son's death to proselytize.  Think of it as a respect thing.  BECAUSE IT IS.

Thanks.

--Crystal

Happy Birthday Baby

On February 18th, 2005 I gave birth to Weslee Brian Condes. It was not a good experience. I lost him. He would be five years old today.

My life is wonderful now, but it doesn't stop me from missing him. But today, I want to be a happy day. It's a mile-marker in my life, and a reminder of a very small someone who was once a major part of my life.

Happy birthday little feet. I love you.

Love,
Mom

From Downloads

Stir Crazy

So I've been off work for about two weeks now, and I'm starting to get a little stir-crazy. I've registered with temp agencies and been hunting on websites and haven't heard back from anyone yet. I'm starting to feel that itch that says, "Should you have left Comcast? Was it the right decision to go when you didn't have another prospect?"

I wish that I could have planned better. I wish maybe even that I'd seen my burnout coming before it hit me square in the forehead. But I also learned a bit from that position. I learned that I don't like doing sales (and I'm not very good at it), that the call-center sales position is simply not right for me, and that sometimes, very, VERY rarely, a crappy job isn't worth a steady paycheck and financial security.

But now I'm sick of being home. I want a job. I'm afraid of not finding one in enough time. I'm glad to be working at ChaCha, but I don't have a lot of faith that it's going to bring in enough to support Chris and I. I'm wondering if maybe I should try to pick up a couple of part time jobs in the meantime. I'm trying to figure out why I was so much more confident the LAST time I was job searching. But the bottom line?

This sucks.

I'm working hard at it (I just took a small break to write this), but it sucks. So hopefully I'll find something soon.

--Crystal

Who am I and what have I done with my life?

I've been feeling a little... out of sorts, lately. For one thing, I had a job and I left it. It wasn't a blithe decision, mind you; I was having anxiety attacks and kept freezing up at work. Talking to angry people on the phone, who were sometimes angry and RUDE/DISRESPECTFUL people (I understand being frustrated when something doesn't work or you're confused about your bill. I DON'T understand calling someone names when they're trying to HELP you, and treating them like they're STUPID when all they've done is be POLITE to you), coupled with pretty much being told that I was doing EVERYTHING wrong (essentially because I wasn't upselling enough) just hammered me way too hard.

But I learned something, too.

I have very little self-confidence.

I know that some of it is shot because of the nature of the work I was doing and the fact that, honestly, I don't really approve of my leaving it the way that I did. Trust me, if I'd felt like I really had a choice, I would have stuck around, but I was shutting down. The thing is, I've NEVER walked out of a job like that. And I don't ever want to do it AGAIN. I just know that the level of abuse was too much. Way, WAY too much. I can take angry people on the phone. And I can take constructive criticism from a boss. And I can even take BOTH. I just can't take both, with the constancy and intensity that I had it there.

But I know what to look for now, I know what questions to ask an interviewer, and I know what to avoid. The problem still remains, I don't have a job. We have some money in savings and I have been calling every temp agency I can find, as well as scouting vigilantly on Career Builder. If anyone has any other suggestions, I welcome them.

But in the meantime I'm brought face to face with my utter lack of confidence.

It's helped lately, oddly enough, to have people talk to me about things THEY were going through, just kindof asking for advice or a point of view. It's nice to be trusted with something like that... I feel better. I just still feel kinda beaten down right now. There are a couple of things in my life (won't go into it) that I'm NOT sure how to deal with, and more than that I feel like, I just keep hearing the voices of people who have put me down or kicked me in the face over the past few years. My brother, even (although they're being decent now) my parents to a degree. It's not that I'm still pissed... even at my brother. It's that words have an effect. When someone you trust says things about you, or TO you, that make you feel inadequate... you sorta keep feeling inadequate. When they question your ability to think clearly, or hold down a job, or reason things through... sometimes no matter how badly they're behaving, it registers. It sits there and makes you wonder, "AM I fucked up?"

So here I am, twenty-eight years old, without a job and not knowing where to find any encouragement. I know that I have a few skills to offer but sometimes it just seems like there are infinitely more failings. And all I can do is plug ahead, but I can't lie about the fact that I'm scared. Scared I won't find something before savings run out, scared that those voices are right... that I AM crazy and I AM an idiot and I DON'T know what I'm doing.

But I go on. Trudge forward and do the best I can. Because that's what I've got, and that's who I am. And if I make it through with my sanity intact... well, considering my background, maybe that'd be a hell of an achievement in itself. ;)

--Crystal

Today I Feel... Numb.

I think I've felt a little numb for a few days... every since I left my job. Why did I leave my job in this economy? What was I thinking? I've asked myself those questions too. My answer is that I was thinking, "I can't deal with this."

So, what now?

The truth is that I have no idea. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I've been cleaning a little this weekend, because it needs to be done and because it helps me feel like I'm accomplishing something. Tomorrow the job hunt begins again, and that helps me feel like I'm accomplishing something as well. Otherwise?

I don't know. Guess I go forward. Try to deal with how I'm feeling, and remember how to enjoy the things in my life that I DO love.

Like blogging... which I haven't done in what feels like ages. Hello world!

--Crystal

Snowpocalypse, 2010

The Snowpocalypse hit last night, and with it, of course, the opportunity for nifty picture taking! ...And an excuse to avoid cleaning. ;)

From snowpocalypse 2010

From snowpocalypse 2010

In the morning when Chris stepped outside he wasn't sure what the big deal was supposed to be. This started happening around noon, and by 1pm we had to break out the tarot cards to divine where the car had disappeared to.

From snowpocalypse 2010

Flurries indeed!

From

There are trees in there somewhere...

From

My hero braves the storm to rescue the mail.

From snowpocalypse 2010

We hid out for the rest of the night. The morning met us with pretty driftings. But apparently those lovely driftings are holding some friends of ours hostage. Hrrmmm...

From snowpocalypse 2010

The top of the bush outside of our porch. At least they plowed the parking lot here!

From snowpocalypse 2010

This pretty little pattern was left on the top of our outside bush from water dripping from the overhang of the porch.

From snowpocalypse 2010

Cinder, our household Gargoyle, doesn't understand what we're all so wuss about. He's just fine with the snow.

From snowpocalypse 2010

Icicles from the melted snow dripping into the brush outside the porch. I thought it looked kindof like an ice cave.

From snowpocalypse 2010

There's actually a small bush buried under there.

From snowpocalypse 2010

These birds don't seem to mind the snow either.

From snowpocalypse 2010

It's taken over our world.

From snowpocalypse 2010

A good show of the depth.

From snowpocalypse 2010

Sapphire, ever the housecat, says "I don't get what you humans dig the outside so much for. Do you SEE how cold that shit is????"

--Crystal